myerstownherald.com

By MOLLY DAVIS
Taylor, say it isn’t so!
John Mayer?
Why?
I can’t figure out, and I’m sure others are wondering as well, why you would drop a cutie like Taylor Lautner for sleazy John Mayer.
Sure, if you didn’t mesh with the “Twilight” wolf hottie, then don’t date him.
But to move on to a creep like the guitar-strumming, self-obsessed, woman-eater John Mayer?
Why?
Although it’s still unconfirmed you two are in fact dating, you’ve been to dinner with John twice, you were just at his concert, so the buzz is that you’re an item.
All I can say is run.
Fast.
And very far.
John is a consummate player.
Who has man breasts.
Or moobies, as they’re called.
Which he flaunted on his Rolling Stone cover – he could’ve used a bra, or at least a shirt to cover up his soft upper bod and hide those distasteful tattoos.
And then there was the actual interview, where he talked about his eternal search for finding “a beautiful vagina” and how much he loved threesomes.
Some other lecherous choice quotes?
On his sex life becoming an endless loop of new girls rejecting him in clubs: ”Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!”
On finding a girlfriend: “Do you think it’s going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn’t it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? …I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a (bleep) about it.”
On his relationships: “All I want to do now is (bleep) the girls I’ve already (bleeped), because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, But you’re John Mayer! So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to meet anybody else.”
On the paparazzi: “I’ll be honest with you. All this weird (bleep) about me? All this strangeness? I wouldn’t have a music career without it. But I am at odds with myself. I have some presence of psychological damage from the past 36 months. I have not had a woman appear in my dreams sexually without a paparazzi in the dream too. I can’t even have a wet dream without having to explain to someone who’s grinding on me, We can’t do this right now, because there’s a guy over there taking pictures.”
I now dub thee Mayer “The King of Overshare.”
John, who also tweets his feelings, posted this on Twitter hours after the article hit stands:
“Just read my Rolling Stone cover article. I’m still not sure if I would want to hang out with me.”
Spoiler alert…